If autism was trying to break me, it succeeded yesterday. I hit my breaking point. It started to happen during Aaron’s OT (occupational therapy for the newly initiated) evaluation. She suggested that since his feet still turn in, and he hasn’t grown out of it as the doctor suggested, that he may benefit from some PT (physical therapy).
I can’t do it.
I don’t want another referral.
I can’t schedule another therapist.
We currently have ABA 2x a week, OT 2x a week, and speech 1 a week. That’s just for Aaron. I also have ABA 2x a week for Zach, as well as all the other things that need scheduled like their specialist appts, my doctor appointments, husband doctor appointments, car oil changes, etc.
We have one car.
School will be starting at the end of the month for everyone except me.
I just can’t. That’s what keeps going through my head.
I feel so guilty because of it.
I’m looking forward to the school year just because it means that during the day I’ll get a break.
I feel guilty for that too.
Most of the time when we go somewhere, it’s to a doctor’s office.
My kids deserve more of a childhood.
There just isn’t room on the calendar, hours in the day for a 5th therapist.
I’m sorry.
this post makes my heart ache for you Amanda. 1st – don’t feel guilty for sending them to school and having that feel like relief. You need time to recharge and if you do it while they are in school you’ll all be the better for it. 2nd – you CAN do it. I know you can – because you are awesome like that.
Hi,
I totally understand what you are talking about, my 3 yo is just now starting ot pt and abba also speech, my 17 mos foster baby has ot pt speech, my 7 mos foster baby has ot and pt. and my 6 year old is starting therapy…. and we are LITERALLY at the clinic everyday of the week. I just told them we have to do it all in 2 days a week because YES we love our children but it takes a mental emotional physical toll on everyone in the family !!!!
School starts here tommorrow and I’m ELATED hahaha…………
Oh dear, I can only imagine how hard all that must be for your family. I admire your honesty. *hugs*
Oh, I don’t know how I found your blog. But I’m glad I did. I feel your pain. My oldest has epilepsy, about 5 “minor” diagnosis’s, and now we just added PDD-NOS. So on top of the PT and OT, we now have to add ABA. I’m elated for School to start. Not only because I know it will be good for my oldest, but it also corresponds with nap time for my youngest. 2 hours, of quiet. and I feel guilty for it…I try not to, but I do…
I’m sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I wish there was something I could do to help. ((hugs))
I am so sorry Amanda! You are an awesome mother and you are doing the best you can for the boys every day. They will grow up and remember that!
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Amanda, you know how I feel about you – you are a fantastic mom and one of the best advocates for autism in general, let alone in the Army.
You deserve the break that you will be getting when the boys are in school, so do NOT feel guilty. You may even want to take an hour of that time to find a group to do something that you like: reading, sewing, knitting, painting – whatever it is, do something that has NOTHING to do with autism, something that has to do with just YOU.
I cannot imagine what your week must look like, I only have to deal with 2 people’s appt. and I am really the only one who is that ill, hubby isn’t too bad.
Know that you have a great support system here and we love you and you can count on us for anything you need, even if it is just to bitch! Love you! HUGGLES!!
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