Confessions from Householdsix » military

Let’s Try Parenting

Amanda — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:00:50 +0000

What has happened parenting? I see so many parents who want to be their child’s friend. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told my 9 year old that, “I’m not here to be your friend. I’m here to try and mold you into a productive member of society.” Our new neighbors have barely moved in, and already I had two little girls come to my door yesterday asking if I “wanted to buy something.” They had a board book, a pony tail holder, and some Silly Bandz. They were just trying to pick up some extra cash. There was no adult in sight, and the older of the two girls was all of four or five. The younger was maybe about three. Just walking around post, and walking up to strangers’ houses asking them if they want to buy stuff. During naptime I might add.

Yesterday must have been parents’ day off and no one told me because a little later we went over to the clinic so my older son could get his allergy shots. There was a boy who told my son he was eight. Not a parent in sight. This kid was literally climbing the walls and jumping on the furniture. It was absolutely insane. I tried to get a picture of him climbing up the wall with my phone, but he jumped down too quickly the last time before we left.

If this keeps up, I’m going to start a column on this blog called “Colonel’s Kids Gone Wild,” since that’s mostly what rank (well and LTC) lives here.

Reason #564 I’m Glad Our Rude Neighbors Moved

Amanda — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 11:58:53 +0000

I’m so glad our rude neighbors that we had to share a driveway with for the last year FINALLY cleared housing the other day. The reason now? I noticed for some weird reason there’s no garbage can or recycle bin on their side of the driveway. I guess they had some last minute garbage when they left. What did they do with it? Why they put it in our can of course. Normally I wouldn’t care, but we are limited to what can fit in our can each week except the one bulk garbage day per month. This isn’t a bulk week. Also, they didn’t ask, just did it. Again, would’ve been fine if it were a small amount, but it was a fair amount of garbage for me to notice it in the big can. They threw what looks like the remnants of their salt from the winter in there too. If I get any crap from the garbage men over it not being in a garbage bag, I’m not going to be happy since it’s due to someone else’s rudeness. Let’s have some common courtesy Colonels*, yes?

*I live on a post that the majority of residents are LTCs and COLs. You would think at that age and stage in the military there would be more common courtesy. Not with the last group who lived here. It varies year to year.

National Guard Life article

Amanda — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 11:13:17 +0000

Don’t forget about my contributions over at Today’s Military Spouse to the National Guard section. There’s other great articles on the site as well. Surf around, and if you like what you see, visit often, subscribe, and/or see the social media bookmarks (Facebook and Twitter).

MyCAA and Reserve Component Families

Amanda — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 09:00:21 +0000

So if you’ve been following the coverage of MyCAA starting back up, you’ll know that Reserve Component spouses got screwed without a kiss or dinner first. Sadly, we’re used to it, but it doesn’t piss us off any less every time it happens.

Just to review, Reserve Component spouses can use MyCAA if:

1. Their soldier is of the qualified pay grades.

2. They can start AND finish their program while the soldier is Title 10 active duty.

3. They use the money for certification programs, licenses, or an associate’s degree to give them what the military calls “portable” careers. The people I’ve seen quoted in various military news sources feel these are things like teaching, health care, and real estate (because they’re realistic like that).

Let’s take the Reserve Component part out for a minute. What happened when our soldier is deployed, and gets returned to us injured beyond repair, and now we are left to find a career and try to pay the bills? Oh that’s right, the military helped us get an associate’s degree. I forgot. Silly me.

But our Reserve Component spouses could really benefit from a program like this. I know so many soldiers who are using their GI benefits to go to school themselves. There’s only so much of that money to go around, and even with splitting it with a family member, the family is still out a lot of money out of pocket if both adults want to be educated. Money not all families can afford. As Reserve Components, it seems the DoD often forgets that our soldiers’ civilian jobs don’t necessarily pay what the DoD is paying their active duty peers. It doesn’t matter what their rank is in the Guard or Reserves. What matters is what that soldier is making in their every day civilian job.

Some of these families that could really benefit from something like the MyCAA program are going to be left out because their soldier is in the Guard or Reserves and they’re not the rank covered under the program. I was doing a search to talk about this, and how officer’s pay for uniforms and to eat chow out of pocket while enlisted get a uniform allowance and free chow. How this system works is great on active duty, but not so much in the Reserve Components because you can have a guy who’s an E4 in the Guard, but a doctor as his civilian job, while you have a guy who’s a CPT in the Guard, and a warehouse worker in his civilian job trying to make ends meet. It’s all about skill set. Anyway, I digress. In that search,I found stories of now unemployed soldiers. It’s becoming a problem especially for our Reserve Components. How much would even the $4,000 being offered under MyCAA help their families if the spouse could get a real career?

The MyCAA Program is Coming Back snort

Amanda — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 11:12:16 +0000

Why the snort? Well because if you’re a reserve component spouse, the DoD just gave you the big proverbial finger. You ONLY get help going to school under a few conditions:

1. Your soldier is E1-E5 or O1-O2. They claim this is to target new spouses. I cry bullshit. I was a new spouse when my husband was a promotable O2. I had to leave college due to a lack of funds. This money would’ve helped me stay in school (had it been available back then, and to all ranks so I could’ve finished).

2. Your soldier is Title 10 active duty. Yeah, for us Reserve Component spouses, that only happens when they’re deployed. Even my husband who is AGR and technically active duty, is title 32. The best part, you must be able to start and complete your program while your soldier is Title 10. Yeah, that’s a big ol’ fuck you right there since some deployments have even been less than a year lately.

3. This program is for licenses, certification programs, and associate’s degrees. So if you wanted a four year degree, you know, that piece of paper almost every decent job wants to see these days regardless if it’s in that field or not, fuck you too. Oh, and the argument here is for spouses to have “portable” careers, but even those they consider “portable” like nursing and teaching require much more than an associate’s degree. And just to make you laugh, the military thinks we should use this money for a real estate career. Yes, in THIS economy.

So, what it all comes down to is that the DoD didn’t do their research before the program was initially launched (shock. surprise.). Since we know everything all comes down to the Benjamins, they shut the program down, and had to re-evaluate.

I also realize that this program is not intended to totally pay for a program, but $4,000 is a nice chunk of change to put towards one. I know I don’t have that kind of money laying around. Do you? It also really pisses me off when the military offers these benefits to families and then takes them away because *gasp* we used what was offered, and the program became more expensive than they anticipated. Don’t dangle a carrot in front of us, and then yank it away. I’ll be discussing how this could possibly impact Reserve Component families more in another post very soon.

The PX and Commissary

Amanda — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 09:00:19 +0000

Tell it to me straight milfamilies, do you REALLY save money at the PX and commissary? Is it because we’re a small post that I see i can go to Amazon.com and other stores and get better deals on video games and electronics than at the PX? Speaking of the PX, does anyone buy clothes there? I’ve seen Target quality clothes at department store prices. Again, better deals to be had elsewhere. Maybe I just get frustrated with ours because it’s so small. For example, I ran in one day to get some nail polish. All they had was nail strengthener, fake nails, and nail polish remover, but no actual nail polish. Wouldn’t you think your PX would at least have some clear nail polish floating around since it can be used for so much more than just fingernails?

Then there’s the commissary. Some people tout the savings. I have yet to see it. If i take my bonus card and coupons (doubled every day) to the grocery store, not only do I save money, but I also earn gas reward points. Sometimes in our Sunday newspaper, the grocery store will offer some special coupon triplers. Don’t get me wrong, the commissary does have items we like and I do shop there. I get our milk at the commissary because it’s fairly local, and is of better quality than other milks we’ve had. I will also often get Halloween candy at the commissary because it’s cheaper. Overall, I really have to watch what I buy. A lot of items are more expensive than grocery stores in town.

Some can argue that we don’t pay tax at the commissary and PX. I’ve still found better deals even with paying tax on certain items in other stores. At the commissary, there is a surcharge for the commissary operating costs. Then, you have to tip the bagger since they only work for tips. In a state with no sales tax on food and stores that double coupons and give gas reward points, yep, cheaper to go to another store.

I’ve seen on the Facebook page for the commissary for example how we should spread the word about all the savings people can get if they shop there. Really? Show us the savings, and maybe we’ll spread the word. Don’t raise prices during pay weeks (yes, I’ve noticed when I stop in for a few things on off weeks it’s cheaper than pay weeks). Make it worth the drive for Guard, Reserve, and retired families that don’t live in the area. If the military wants us to use these “benefits” provided to us, then they’re going to have to work harder at being competitive with their civilian counterparts.

What’s the trend where you live?

Today’s Military Spouse

Amanda — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 11:36:06 +0000

Go check out my article on Deployment as a Guard Family over at Today’s Military Spouse along with all the other great articles today. I’ll be contributing there regularly, so don’t forget to check back if you want to read more about Guard life.

Recent Sales and Promotions I’ve Seen

Amanda — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 11:39:42 +0000

-Toys R Us is running a Christmas Savers Club. Between now and October 16, 2010, add as much money as you’d like to your card. On October 16th, a bonus 3% will be added to your card. Start using your card to Christmas shop October 31st. Valid for purchases at Toys R Us and Babies R Us stores.

-I happened to be in one of our local malls and noticed a large sign in the window of New York & Company as I was walking by that said they offer a 15% discount to military, fire, police, and EMS workers. Very cool if you ask me. I don’t shop there, but I may check them out now.

-Our local Bob Evans is offering a 10% military discount on Thursdays.

-Cedar Fair Entertainment Company (King’s Island, Cedar Point, Geauga Lake, Dorney Park, King’s Dominion, and more) is offering free admission to military members past and present and discount admission to their immediate family members July 4th and 5th 2010. Need to present valid ID or DD form 214 showing honorable or medical discharge.

-Many museums are offering free admission to military families through the Blue Star Museums program. Memorial Day through Labor Day.

-Barnes & Noble offers 6% off and free shipping. But only through their Military City store front.

Entitled? Maybe We Are

Amanda — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 16:00:47 +0000

By mere coincidence, on June 10, when I re-posted my letter to the editor of Military Officer magazine, a letter in response, and responses to that response, others were posting about something similar. My post focused on the National guard and how we’re often looked down upon as the dregs of military society. A retired Colonel told me that I knew what I was signing up for, and to “suck it up.” Some of his peers told him in rebuttal that it’s people with those attitudes that perpetuate the issues we have today.

At the same time, this article was published about a family trying to escort the casket of their fallen Marine home so they could hold a funeral for him. The airline asked an overbooked flight of people if six people would please give up their seats to the family. After much awkwardness, it finally happened. This made me sad. What was so important to all of those people on that plane that they hesitated? Even if it hadn’t been a soldier’s casket, I would have gladly given up my seat to a grieving family so they could get home. What in our basic human decency is lacking that we (as a society) are so selfish these days?

This story has lead to some in the general public saying that there is a sense of entitlement among military families that seems to be perpetuated by spouses. That we think we’re somehow different. Guess what? We ARE different. Is YOUR husband in a foreign country with people trying to blow up his vehicle with and IED then shooting at them in an attempted ambush? Have YOU had men in uniform show up at your door to tell you that you are now a Gold Star family? Do YOU get the lip service daily that there are all these programs out there to help you, but when you try to use them, they’re full of red tape and bureaucracy? Does your spouse routinely miss birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, baby’s firsts, school events, and sporting events of your children?

To say we spouses knew what we were getting into when we married a soldier is not accurate to say the least. When I married my husband in 2000, he had left active duty so that he would be home more and we could have a life and raise our family together. I had NO IDEA that my National Guard soldier would be working so much between his “regular” job and the Guard that there would be 3 and 4 month stretches where he had ZERO days off. I had NO idea that when we bought a house in March 2004 that by October of 2005, my husband would have only spent about 30 days physically in that house. I had no idea we would be living in the post 9-11 world that we do today.

I also had no idea that when my husband was deployed that I would be 3 hours from his unit, and an hour and a half from the nearest military installation. I had no idea that there would be a few services available to us while he was deployed, but due to our distance from them, I wouldn’t be able to use them. I had no idea I would be a full on Army wife living in a world of civilians who honestly don’t get it because military life is a totally different lifestyle.

So please excuse me if you think that we’re projecting a feeling of being entitled when we wish the programs that the government does offer us work. That the housing we PAY FOR is maintained properly. That our health care that is NOT FREE is adequate. And no, my husband does not make the choice to stay by re-enlisting. He’s an officer. He must request leave, and if that request is granted, he can still be recalled at any time the Army sees fit unless he appeals to Congress to resign his commission. Guess what, they can deny that too. If all of this means that I have a sense of entitlement, then yes, I do, and I won’t apologize for it.

Now, do I think businesses should give us military discounts? No, they don’t have to, but you know what? It’s very nice when they do, and I truly appreciate the gesture.

If you still don’t agree with me, that’s fine. Just remember when you talk of your opinions that our soldiers over our country’s history are the reason you enjoy the right to express those opinions. If you still think I “knew what I was getting into,” then I don’t want to hear you complain about your spouse, kids, or job because you knew what you were getting into.

*For more on this, please read here, here, here, and here.

MOAA Letters Revisted

Amanda — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 16:34:39 +0000

I had a keyword search that brought my attention to these past posts. I think they’re good and wanted to re-share. I feel these articles are still relevant today as Guard soldiers are stuck between two worlds. We still see this even as an AGR (Active Guard/Reserve) family.

From Sept 2007:

Ok, so I was completely outraged by an article in the August issue of Military Officer I HAD to write a letter to the editor. I had gotten an e-mail awhile back that they were considering my letter and I needed to clarify a few things. I grabbed October’s issue out of the mailbox today, and there it was, first letter with the picture of the issue I was writing about and the extracted quote and everything! So, without further ado, here’s the copy and pasted version.

Guard Retention
I couldn’t even finish reading the [August issue of Military Officer] without responding to the article “No Longer in Reserve.” To say that most Guard soldiers will stay after these lengthened deployments after the way the Army has treated them is absolutely preposterous. Sure, recruiting numbers are up. … [But] what about the seasoned veterans? When my husband’s unit came back from Iraq, you better believe anyone and everyone who could retire did just that. Even my husband said after 16 years, he’s “too old for this.” Who do you want watching your back on a combat mission? A fresh-faced recruit, or that guy over there with five or 10-plus years?
And the way the families get treated? Oh, I could go on for days. As Guard families, we’re not necessarily near bases and posts where there’s more support and facilities for us to take advantage of. It’s, “Sorry, but your spouse is leaving for 18 months, and now you have to cope.” I am so tired of seeing Guard soldiers and their families treated like the red-headed stepchildren of the Army. A soldier is a soldier. In fact, Guard soldiers are more self-sufficient because of their civilian backgrounds. If everyone waited for [the] group to get off their duffs, nothing would get done in a lot of cases.
And to say that the government wouldn’t send soldiers who weren’t properly trained or equipped – I literally laughed out loud when I read that. I’ve seen it time and time again. For whatever reason, DOD does not take the National Guard seriously. The government needs to stop looking at recruiting numbers and look at the retention of the more experienced crowd. Maybe it’s time to take power away from the president to call up the Guard and give it back to the governors of the states.

If you couldn’t tell, I’m just a little excited about all of this. I hope two things come of this letter. Number one, that it inspires the other soldiers and spouses to voice their opinions and stand up for what is right and not what is necessarily the “Army way.” I think it’s time for some major changes there. And number 2, I hope someone of importance sees not only my letter but those who are also brave enough to write letters of their own and make these changes. We’re only going to lose more seasoned soldiers if they and their families continue to be treated the way they are now. Case in point. The Army needs Captains and there’s an article on Military.com about how they are throwing retention bonuses of up to $35,000 to any Captains that will stay on active duty. Seems they’re getting pretty desperate if you ask me.

And a rebuttal from an uninformed retired colonel, with thanks to those that told him he’s an idiot, only nicer:

Ok, I had to share this. Back in September, I had a Letter to the Editor published in Military Officer magazine (www.moaa.org). This gist of the article was that some gov’t puke had said everything is all honkeydory with the National Guard and Reserves, and it’s not. If you want to read the letter I wrote, you can see it here.

Fast forward to November, I believe, and some retired colonel told me to “suck it up” and to “stop whining.” Neither of which I did in my original letter. Well, his letter had me plenty mad since he came off as an insensitive horse’s behind. But, I didn’t dignify it with a response. I said my piece and I wasn’t going to get into a pissing match.

*Here’s his letter from Military Officer December 2007 Issue, Your Views:

No Sympathy for Guard Amanda Griffiths questions a previous article dealing with [guardmembers] saying “after these lengthened deployments … the way the Army has treated them is absolutely preposterous” ["Your Views," October 2007].
The military has always had these different components and they have served the country well, especially now [when] it seems politically expedient to call up the Guard and Reserves for extended deployments, rather then going to a draft and a “war-time footing.”
Griffiths questions “the way the families get treated,” telling [readers] she could “go on for days” about this – clearly [implying] poor treatment. [Griffiths continues,] “I am so tired of seeing Guard soldiers and their families treated like the red-headed stepchildren of the Army,” and then she tells us, “DOD does not take the National Guard seriously,” suggesting that “maybe it’s time to take power away from the president to call up the Guard and give it back to the governors of the states.” …
Suck it up Ms. Griffiths – your husband enlisted and re-enlisted to get to “16 years service”; he made himself (and indirectly you) liable to the good and bad that comes with this service. A little less whining and more positive support, like thousands of [spouses] and families give to their soldiers and the nation, is what is needed.
-Col. John P. Lawton, USA-Ret. via e-mail

**Just a side note, officers in the Army don’t enlist and re-enlist. They get their commission and stay until they ask to leave, resign their commission, or retire. So my husband has not enlisted and re-enlisted.**

Yesterday, I get the mail and DH and I get our Military Officer magazines (I don’t know why they send us each one). I’m looking through it, and in the letters section what do I see? I see not 1, not 2, but 4 letters in response to the jerk. I had 4 members of our military tell him that he’s the one with the issue and that it’s people like him and their attitudes that cause some of the problems we have today. They all said that a military spouse should not have to “suck it up,” but in fact have access to the resources and support they need. I just thought it was awesome to see that I wasn’t the only one who thought that guy had his head up his butt. So, I would like to say thank you to Col. David Yohman, AUS-Ret., LT. Col. M.H. Johnson, USAF-Ret., Maj. T.J. Rostkowski, ANG-Ret., and Lt. Col. Bobby Davis, USA-Ret. I’m assuming that if the magazine published 4 letters they got a whole boatload of other people ticked off at Col. Lawton’s letter who wrote. I’m unable to get the text of the responses at this time, but I’ll post them next month if I can. In the meantime, if you’re a military officer, current or retired, or a spouse, you should consider joining MOAA.