Army Heritage Days 2012

The Army Heritage and Education Center is hosting Army Heritage Days complete with live re-enactors, lectures, and presentations. We’ve gone in years past and it’s been a lot of fun for the whole family. The event runs 9am-5pm Saturday and Sunday and is free and open to the public.

Armed Forces Day - City Island 2011

Harrisburg City and Ft. Indiantown Gap will once again partner to turn City Island into a military base for the day. Exhibits open at 10am. There is also a 5K fun run/walk hosted by the YMCA that starts at 8am, May 19th. The 5K is free for military members, but there is a small fee if registering online.

Letterkenny Army Depot is also hosting their annual line up of Armed Forces Day Events. There will be a children’s fishing rodeo, golf tournament, exhibits, tours, among other things to see and do for the whole family. Letterkenny’s events start at 8am and run until 2pm.

Carlisle Barracks Running Festival 2010

Carlisle Barracks and Carlisle YMCA are hosting an Armed Forces Day Running Festival. Registration begins at 7am for the 5K for ages 14-adult (fee), and ages 4-13 will run at approximately 10am (free).

Also starting on Armed Forces Day weekend, current military members and dependents can get a free annual pass to National Parks and other public lands.

We also clocked how far it is to the hoagie place from the new house. It will be half as far. Who wants to bet we still argue over whose turn it is to go? (For those out of the loop, it’s currently 0.6 mi)

What you’ve missed so far:

Zach sprained his ankle Monday. He was being a dumbass and fell down a slide backwards at the playground. This is why you tell your kids to not climb UP the slides, like we’ve been telling Zach since’ he’s been old enough to figure that one out.

This is what happens when you let boys dye eggs. You get “dead” eggs.

the penis mushrooms are home.

We moved those and put our name plate in the door since people seemed to like to park in our assigned spot at the new house. I’m sure the rude highly religious people with the Jesus message letter board on the front porch who share the other half of the house appreciate the penis mushrooms. If you want to follow moving shenanigans, I’m periodically checking in on Twitter and Facebook with such things.

Things of note:

-We’re going to like having space again instead of being crammed in on top of each other.
-I’m going to LOVE having a big kitchen even if I might curse the electric stove and not having a self cleaning oven.
-Built in dishwasher and NOT a portable FTW!
-Ice maker in the freezer!
-Did I mention SPACE!
-People living near us will get enjoyment out of watching me try to parallel park. I think I can count on both hands how many times I’ve had to legitimately parallel park and not just pull across a couple spots since I got my license in 1997.
-We can walk out our back door, and the pool is right there. RIGHT there. Pool passes and tired kids all summer, also FTW! Dare I say that Aaron may actually sleep?
-Closet space!
-Storage!
-Porches!
-No more asshole kids throwing apples off the apple tree off our back patio.
-I didn’t measure, but at least 12ft ceilings downstairs! We might have to get a real Christmas tree this year just to get a really big one like a remember my Uncle Denny having from my childhood.
-2 1/2 baths! Sure I’ll have to clean them, but we can give the kids their baths at the same time and streamline baths.

There may be more later.

Change is hard for any child. Moving is hard for any child. Military children are often expected to move more often than their peers who don’t have a parent in the military. In some cases (like my kids), they get to stay in the same place for several years. In other, like the case  of many of our neighbors, they can be in one place for less than a year before it’s on to the next. OK, so I can’t leave autism out of this because there are so many kids on the spectrum, and the moves and changes only compound this for so many of those children.

Then there are children like mine. The oldest will ask after 2-3 years, “When is it time to move?” “I’m ready to move.” “Can we move now?” He doesn’t know staying in any one house for more than four years. He likes to move. In a way, he likes the ability to start fresh because as an Aspie, no one knows. No one bullies him. He’s the new kid everyone says hello to in the hall until they figure out that he’s different. In this aspect, he likes being the new kid in school.

The little one is ready to move too. He doesn’t really remember the last move since he wasn’t quite two yet. This time, he got to go see the new house with us. He was ready to back his toys and bed and go that night. He has no concept of all of the moving parts that need to be in place. Every day since he’s been asking when we’re going to the other house. I think his eagerness to move this time may be that it’s just a new house, but every thing else will still be familiar. We’re just moving to a new house on the same installation since they’re tearing down the old housing to build new housing. Yes, this also means you won’t hear about the leaky roof in the current house anymore (yes, it still leaks to this day since August 2011).

Someone who is going to make the first day of our move flow much better is our respite care provider. She’s going to spend the day with our five year old since he’s off school for most of this month. This way, we can concentrate on the movers. We did it the first time without help with the kids, but it’ll just make it that much easier this time.

Which brings me to ACS, EFMP, and IMCOM. Our current EFMP manager here will be retiring soon. Like end of May soon. At last news, they weren’t even interviewing people yet because there was a freeze on her job that IMCOM needed to lift so they could even place the job as being open to take applicants. If this doesn’t happen, and doesn’t happen soon, there will be a lot of families for the new incoming influx in July/August who will be left in limbo, and it won’t be pretty. Hopefully IMCOM can get their stuff together for our families because it’s now April.

What are things you do during your move to make it flow smoothly? I have to admit that I’m pretty light on the advice as all our moves have been door to door, and the kids have handled them well, and even get excited.

*Photo from istock

Some may have seen the new CDC numbers. I’ve seen the shock! Gasp! Whatever other exclamation you want to insert that the number has now been set at 1 in 88 for kids on the autism spectrum. That has been the number for military kids for quite awhile now, and no one seemed to notice or care. Now, all of a sudden, when the CDC makes that the rate for the entire population, the media makes it out to be a near tragedy. Now that the 1 in 88 number has finally become significant to people, I will ask you once again to go to www.cmkaa.org and use the one click feature to write your congressperson. Currently, the only military children receiving autism therapies such as applied behavioral analysis (ABA) are those of active duty soldiers. Retired? No services for you! National Guard or Reserves? No services for you! Wounded Warrior? Your child had services, and now, no services for you (once medically retired)! We need to change this and make the autism benefits part of the main medical benefit of Tricare, not an “educational” benefit. Seeing as how autism is treated by medical professionals, I think that’s only fitting, no?

Numbers are just that to a lot of people. Now, I’m going to give you two (what I consider to be) adorable faces to put with those numbers. Think of these boys, and all of the other children when you read this and think, “why should I bother?” You should “bother” because ALL kids on the spectrum deserve to have proper services without parents running through the proverbial gauntlet just to get the basics.

There is also a main AMFAS Facebook group, and there are local groups on Facebook as well. Come see if there’s a local group in your area (There is an AMFAS group for the Harrisburg area if you’re local). If you’re saying, “But I don’t have a Facebook account,” I really encourage you to get one. Even beyond AMFAS, there is a lot of information both autism and military related to be had. The military is really pushing its organizations to utilize Facebook these days since so many people are using it as a news source. It’s a good one stop shopping place to keep up on things. My husband often comes home and asks me if I’ve seen something because he knows I’ve usually caught it posted by three or four organizations on Facebook.

So, then why is it that the two Senators from Pennsyvania sent staffers to the briefing last Tuesday, but when I wrote to Rep. Bill Shuster, who is our representative, I got a rather spammy canned letter in return that was more concerned about the budget. Yes, I understand funding would be an issue, but we’re talking about people. Families. The military families that politicians have deemed so important. We have Joining Forces and the Army Family Covenant. Where are they in all of this? I don’t see them, do you?

Why am I singling out Rep. Shuster? Because Carlisle Barracks falls in his district. He is supposed to be representing military families. We have a VERY high retiree population in this area. One of the very groups that CMKAA would benefit. The PA ARNG Headquarters is at Ft. Indiantown Gap, PA. NOt in his district, but I know there are soldiers that live on post here who work there. Soldiers I’m sure who live in the district who drill there as well. Probably soldiers who would also benefit from CMKAA.

Again, why single out Rep. Shuster? He is ON THE HOUSE ARMED FORCES COMMITTEE. He is ON THE HOUSE ARMED FORCES SUBCOMMITTEE ON MILITARY PERSONNEL. He is NOT a co-sponsor of CMKAA H.R. 2288.

As a voting member of his district, I find this appalling. As a voting member of his district who is a military spouse I find this appalling. As a voting member of his district who is a military spouse with two children on the autism spectrum I find this appalling. As a voting member of his district who is a military spouse with two children on the autism spectrum and my family took the time to go to the briefing in DC and he did not, I find this ABHORRENT.

I know where MY vote will be cast when he’s up for re-election, and at this point, it’s not for a US House Representative who is on the House Armed Forces Committee and Subcommittee on Military Personnel and does NOT support the very military personnel he represents.

You can also check to see if your Representative is a cosponsor of CMKAA H.R. 2288. You can also write them and tell them why they should support this bill. No member of our military should have to worry about if their child has proper care. In the words of Karen Driscoll from Tuesday’s briefing, “If my son had brain cancer, coverage would not be an issue.” It’s true. If our children had cancer, everything would be paid for without the hoops we currently jump through. Because we’re fighting AUTISM, someone has decided they can pick and choose who gets treatment and who doesn’t. Tell me where the morality is in that.

The 5yo needed his OT (occupational therapy) continued. I knew full well that we’d have to find a new OT. The place where he was getting therapy only had a temporary therapist. One we waited 3 months for. One that waiting 3 months was perfectly acceptable to the Tricare people when I called initially. One that was an absolutely fantastic therapist, and I’m glad now to have waited for her because she taught me so much, but I found out had I gone to our Tricare office, they would have tried to find us someone with services sooner. I was still a little raw from someone in their office trying to refer us to the ABA provider for a psych eval for an official autism diagnosis, not one done by the school entity for kids ages 3-5 coughillegalcough.

This time, I wasn’t taking “months” or “we have an extensive wait list” for an answer. I’ve seen WAY too much progress for our son to regress. I can do some things at home, but not enough to be left hanging indefinitely. So I went from the post office to the Tricare office at our clinic. I spent a total of about 2 hours there. Two hours, 2 trips, and 2 very kind women who worked very hard to find us a provider that could provide proper services, and in a timely manner. I appreciate them more than they know.

It was suggested to me that I finally suck it up and do the Medicaid paperwork. Honestly, it wouldn’t matter. Medicaid wouldn’t magically make more providers appear that can provide OT to a 5yo with autism. Believe it or not, as broken as our current system is, the ladies in the Tricare office were just looking for ANYONE in the area that could help us. ANYONE. It didn’t matter at that point network, non network, green, purple, alien, just as long as they could provide OT to my son without us being on some indefinite wait list.

One of the ladies suggested that I write a nicely worded letter to the clinic commander about the difficulties we’ve had with the system since we’re here longer than most families. Most families here cycle in every July/August and cycle out in May/June. I told her about some of our providers who were fantastic. How hard it was to find some of them. And how hard it was to cobble together services. When I initially brought in the referral, they had no idea that the place here in town no longer had an OT. That the one they did have was temporary. So, I’m going to do just that. I am going to write that letter to the clinic commander about what we’ve gone through since we’ve been here. I’m mad and annoyed, but I’ve found enough kind and helpful people to keep me from truly losing my shit. If my letter can in any way help all of the other families with kids on the spectrum, even a smidge, then it’s worth it. I was told there are quite a few when I was in the Tricare office. I know from this journey of ours that started in January of 2010 that every bit of help matters, no matter how seemingly small to the person providing it.

This is just one more reason that if military families truly matter to our politicians as much as they say, then there needs to be measures to improve our Tricare health system, not gut it and charge us more.

*This sort of struggle is just one reason why only 10% of the 1 in 88 military children who qualify are getting autism services. OT falls under our basic medical benefit, but not all therapies do. If this bothers you, visit www.cmkaa.org and use the one click feature to let your feelings be known. 

We sat in the briefing, we listened to the data, and it was compelling. I was a little disappointed that they chose to talk about the Marine Corps EFM program. From what I’ve heard, they’ve got the best out of all of the services. It’s certainly not what we’ve experienced in the Army. I made sure to tell the staffer we were with from Senator Toomey’s office just that. We don’t have case managers at the MTF where we live. Last I checked, I cannot use the child care on post unless I also pay for a one on one assistant for my 5yo because they are not equipped to handle special needs children. Why would I pay for two simultaneous services? These are just two examples. You can also add that I’ve had to chase down EVERYTHING we have on my own. No one told me, oh yes, you go here to sign up for EFMP, and then we’ll sign you up for ECHO, and oh by the way, you can go to ACS and there’s another EFMP office there where you can see about getting respite care. Nope. I saw the posters on the wall at the clinic about EFMP and researched it and asked. I made an appointment and got us all signed up. BEFORE the kids were diagnosed with autism, thankfully. I’m gad we had other conditions that made us qualify. But then we signed up for EFMP and that was it. I had to ask about ECHO and ABA therapy. So that was another delay and paperwork. It was another YEAR before I found out about the ACS office and respite. I found that out through more research and asking our ABA provider about what I had found. I don’t know if this is just our post, but there is a SERIOUS lack of communication and dissemination of information to families.

Then we heard the personal stories of our fellow military families. I mean really, how could we add anything else to what they had said? Rachel talked about having to tell her husband while he was in a war zone that their daughter had autism. And oh by the way, Honey, you’ve served 25 distinguished years, but you can’t retire just yet, or our child can’t get the services she needs. And Karen hit the costs on the head. If a colonel’s family can’t do it, how can any family do it. She answered her own question. They’re not. That is why only 10% of families are getting services. Again, to repeat what I heard yesterday, I don’t know where 10% is considered a success rate. And really, I’m betting that 90% failure rate is even higher because retiree and reserve component families aren’t even eligible for services, so their numbers aren’t even counted. I’d be willing to bet that failure rate is more like 98% across the entire military. Think about that.   And have you ever heard someone say they were glad to have lung cancer? I did yesterday. Why? because it means Scott is still active duty and his son still gets the services he needs. The cancer was found during Scott’s retirement physical. What are the odds? I can’t even imagine what that emotional roller coaster is like.

I mean really, they covered it all. The obstacles we face in getting services in the first place, the costs we pay even after what Tricare will cover, and the fact that our soldiers simply cannot retire until the Army says, “That’s it, we can’t keep you anymore.” We ALL stare down the fear every day of an injury, or even worse, suddenly wiping services our kids desperately need away. No soldier going into combat needs to worry about any of this, but that is what is happening. I know there’s a lot of talk about what we signed up for. Well, I can tell you that pre 9-11, and I’m betting post 9-11 too, these soldiers signed up under the promise that when the shit hit the fan, they and their families would be taken care of, but that simply is not happening, and has not been happening.

After the Congressional staffers heard all of the data and stories yesterday, they got to go back to their lives. Their probably pretty simple lives. I can tell you what we went back to. The car ride home was full of autism because the boys used their ability to behave as society wants them to in the briefing. We were all exhausted. We were up early. We walked a lot since we parked by Union Station thinking that would be the only parking we’d find anywhere near the Capitol. My fibromyalgia is flaring so badly, the muscles in my hands ache. Our 5yo was still awake at 5:30am this morning. My husband was up at 4:45am so he could be dressed and to work on time for PT with the cadets. Our 10yo completed the work he missed from school last night, and will be up early to go back to his routine today. We have ABA therapy scheduled this week. We’re on a break from OT due to lack of a therapist for what we are told will be months before they will be able to find a new one. We still have a leaky roof that needs resolving. I’ve got a Kindergarten transition meeting to prepare for on Friday, and a middle school transition to call about since no one has called me back. Our complicated lives of therapy, doctor appointments, and the Army continue while the fate of how much support we get is now in the fate of Congress. We will now see if military families are truly as important as they say we are.

The Iraqi War came to an end last month and our troops did an amazing job liberating the country and putting an end to Saddam’s reign. During the course of the war, nearly 5,000 U.S. soldiers gave the ultimate sacrifice. It is important to constantly remember and honor our troops. You may have known someone who lost their life while fighting for their country, but you may not know where they are buried. There are over 6 million veterans buried across the U.S. locating a veteran grave can be a challenge. It is now possible to find a veteran grave for free with LocateGrave.org



Users can search for a veteran by name, cemetery, date of birth, military rank and military branch. Once you have located the veteran you are looking for, click on their name to see the detailed information regarding their burial. A map will help you locate the cemetery and the cemetery’s phone number will be displayed. You can also leave a prayer or note to remember the veteran.

A similar online tool also powered by FindTheData.org is the Medal of Honor Recipients database. Like the veteran grave locator, the Medal of Honor tool allows you to search for recipients based on war, rank and name.

This is a guest post written by Evan Thomas, a student at UC Santa Barbara. He is also working on a military colleges comparison and a war statistics site. If you have any questions or comments about the grave locator, feel free to contact Evan at evan_thomas (@) umail.ucsb.edu

When we first started in our married life, the roles were expected. It didn’t matter that I was a new spouse despite the fact that my husband was a seasoned soldier. It didn’t matter that we had a newborn, and that I had health issues of my own. I was expected to take a leadership role in volunteering. So I tried. Our FRG (Family Readiness Group) at the time was run by one person for the whole battalion. Yes, ONE PERSON for the BATTALION. She would complain about how much work it was and how she needed help and how no one would volunteer. Well, I did. Ultimately, the plan was that under her help and mentorship, I was to take charge of the FRG for our company (per BN commander). Well, this did not sit well with this woman. She obviously relished in her complaining. She wanted to be the sole person in charge for the battalion, complain, and look the role of a martyr. After a few months, I gave up, told the BN commander exactly what was going on and if she wanted more volunteers she needed to get rid of that woman because it was never going to happen while she was in charge because she wasn’t interested in actual help, just the illusion that she wanted it.

Fast forward to deployment. My husband got pulled from his unit to go with another. We were three hours from the unit and living in a different state. I made sure they had all of my contact information. There was supposedly a FRG, but I never heard of any events beyond the homecoming briefings right before the unit came home. If we needed anything, trying to get in contact with the unit POC was also a ridiculous process as my husband had some issues with paperwork while he was gone. If it wasn’t for his co-workers, who were all military, where we lived, and the friends I made with other parents while my oldest was in preschool, I would’ve had zero support during that deployment. I felt like I had zero unit support. I feel like the FRG wasn’t successful because the spouses didn’t want involved. I wanted to be as involved as I could be with a small child 3 hours away.

Talking to spouses before the deployment, so many of them hadn’t been away from their husband except for the yearly AT. That’s usually only two weeks. Some didn’t even want listed on the phone tree. Some were only at the pre-deployment briefings because it was mandatory, but otherwise wanted nothing to do with the military aspect of their soldier’s life. Being a Guard family can be unique like that. There are some spouses who don’t want to be identified as a military spouse in any way, and who want nothing to do with the military part of their lives. Some only wanted a phone call when the unit was coming home. Maybe I’m different, but I can’t imagine being out of the loop like that.

Now, these volunteer positions seem to be more voluntary. For that I’m glad. Since deployment, we’ve expanded our family, and both boys have special needs. I have health issues of my own. The days where I am able to volunteer and help don’t always mesh with what’s available. Sometimes I need those days to catch up on things around the house. We can’t do it all, and for those who seem to, I salute you.

Meeting other military spouses online has been great for me. I can converse when I have the chance. I can easily meet other spouses with common interests. I don’t know if I’ve mentored any of them, but I know some have mentored me whether they realize it or not.

What is not mentoring another spouse is ganging up on them in social media and calling them a whiner, a Debbie Downer, and telling them that they’re just blaming others when they bring to light real issues that have happened to them. Maybe instead of the name calling, we should look at why such issues are happening. Just because someone has a different experience from yours doesn’t mean that it’s not valid. Not everyone will have the same experiences.