Confessions from Householdsix » funny

I Have a Campaign for Keurig

Amanda — Sat, 22 May 2010 12:55:28 +0000

“So easy even a three year old can use it.”

While I took 30 seconds to myself to go pee the other day, Aaron took it upon himself to make himself a cup of tea. He took out the used Kcup that was in the machine from the last person to use it, threw it away, put in the new tea Kcup, put his Star Wars cup in the correct position to catch the tea, and pushed the button. Thankfully it was on a setting that his cup didn’t overflow. Since I realized my child has gorilla arms and can reach the Keurig to make a cup even though we have it pushed back as far on the counter as it will go, I unplugged the machine. Good thing I unplugged it. When I went to show my husband, there was a new Kcup in the machine where Aaron had tried to make another cup of coffee.

Kids on Age

Amanda — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:53:00 +0000

Z: “Mom, how old are you?”
Me: “I”m 29 for about another month, why?”
Z: “Some of the other kids don’t believe me when I tell them that.”
Me: “What kids?”
Z: “The boy next door. He says you’re 40′s or 50′s like his parents.”
Me: “Zach, I’ve told you he’s a little jerkface that you don’t need to be hanging around. And just because his parents are probably close to the ages of your GRANDPARENTS doesn’t mean that I am too.”
Z: “Well how old are grandma and grandpa?”
Me: “MY parents (my in laws are considerably older) are 47 and 53. I’m willing to bet that’s about how old most of your friends’ PARENTS are. “
Z: “No way???? Yeah, most of my friends’ parents are OLD.”

So now I expect some phone calls while he tells all the other kids how old their parents are because his grandparents are the same ages. I’ll be laughing on the inside while playing serious parent on the outside – maybe. I might laugh on the outside. Depends on the parent and how much of a little heathen their child is.

School Pictures

Amanda — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:53:00 +0000

I always hesitate to purchase the packages from LifeTouch that the school offers. Their photographers seem to have always missed photography 101. In Kindergarten my son had art class before pictures and they had his whole shirt in the picture complete with white paint. In the first grade Spring pictures they used too much of a gaussian blur, a filter, a PS action, something, and it was blurry and my kid looked stoned. Every.single.frikken.year. he comes home with that fake smile.

This year I told my son to say an “M” word like “Monkey butts” to elicit a more natural smile. The photographer waned him to say “cheese.” Evidently an argument ensued between my third grader and the adult photographer, and my son refused to smile because he wasn’t going to fake smile because Mom said he’d “better not.” This is the resulting photo, and I’m keeping them because the story is hilarious. I laughed so hard when my son told it, I cried.

Nuts

Amanda — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 10:28:00 +0000

Last night we went to Jigsy’s for pizza per our usual Wednesday routine. The dessert on the buffet was brownies with walnuts. After finishing dinner, I went and got one for myself and a small one for Aaron. He didn’t want it, so I asked Zach if he’d like it while waiting for more white pizza. Zach takes a bite of the brownie and exclaims,”Well this is one way to get me to eat my nuts!” Of course acting like 12 year olds, my husband and I died laughing. Oh the innocence of childhood.

Cookies

Amanda — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:44:00 +0000

We were all getting some snacks one afternoon over the weekend when my 2 year old requested cookies. OK. So we got him a cookie. No, that’s not what he wanted. So we got him one of the other kind of cookies we had, and he didn’t want that either. Frustrated, I finally told him “Show me.” My 2year old opens the cabinet where we keep the snacks and pulls out a bag of pretzels and says, “Cookie!” Hanging our heads in parental defeat, my husband and I explain that those are pretzels. So now when our 2 year old asks for a cookie, we have to clarify if he means cookie or pretzel. I’ll be glad when we’re done with 2.

Wordless Wednesday – Fart Bombs

Amanda — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 10:54:00 +0000

The words escape me. This was a roadside stand we saw on the way home from Hershey last weekend. My husband didn’t blow through the yellow light just so I could get a picture.

Wordless(full) Wednesday – Redneck Edition

Amanda — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 10:52:00 +0000

I have to preface this by saying I’ve seen a lot of redneck things in my day. Some of my family comes from an area of the country known for its hillbillies. Evidently PA has become just like living in some of the places I’ve seen in the deep south and Appalachia. This would probably even qualify for an Only in Alabama post.This was at a small local fireman’s carnival. It was a ring toss to win a pocket knife. The knives were stuck blade down into spinning boards and then people could try their hand at trying to ring one of the knives and take it home with them. The only good part of this I saw was they were at least carding kids who wanted to play, so there was a minimum age set in place. I wish I had gotten a picture of the people playing before my camera batteries died. They looked like extras from your stereotypical biker bar scene in a movie. I took this picture from safely over by the kiddie rides my kids were riding. Gotta love 10x zoom.

-In other news of hilarity, TellingDad did an awesome song just for BlogHer09.

Wordless Wednesday – Baby Goggles

Amanda — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 13:09:00 +0000

Zach started swim lessons this week, and Aaron had to wear Zach’s goggle around the house.

Random Bits

Amanda — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 09:34:00 +0000

- I was so cognitively out there yesterday (thanks fibro) that when my husband asked at dinner if our youngest had eaten lunch, I had no clue. He sure ate a good dinner though! Unfortunately with Pork Chop, that’s no indication whether he ate lunch or not, so I was still at a loss.

- After one full day of summer break I’m ready for August 31st. Anyone else? Example: I had to take both boys with me for allergy shots yesterday since I felt too crappy to go Tuesday when I could have left the 2yo home with my husband. Of course we (Zach) had to use the bathroom before we left. After chasing the kids down to the other end of the clinic, I thought I heard something about my husband’s name, but kept on walking with my 2yo firmly in the football hold I had on him. We needed to get out of there. Sure enough, one of the guys DH works with had a cadet to the clinic for something and saw us. Thankfully he wasn’t offended at being ignored.

- I don’t like other people’s kids. They get things like chicken pox and swine flu and really screw up my travel plans. Friends we were to stay with from today until Tuesday have a son who hasn’t been exposed to chicken pox or had the shots yet. Of course we got a note 2 days ago saying it was going around the elementary school. Now we’re sleeping in a camper in my Dad’s driveway for my sister’s wedding (everyone there has been exposed before or had shots). National Lampoon anyone?

- Wednesday night as we were pulling away from the guard shack and onto post, my 2yo let out the most evil laughter. Not something you want to hear when you’re near people authorized to use deadly force, but still really funny because he’s 2.

- More than a dozen people in the last week have found my blog searching for Jigsy’s Old Forge Pizza or just Old Forge Pizza. Thanks for the traffic. It’s good pizza people. If you get a chance, eat some. If you’re in the Old Forge/Scranton area, I recommend Alfredo’s. It taste’s VERY similar to Revello’s, but the parking is better and you don’t wait an hour for a table on weekends. I also recommend Alfredo’s double crust white. OK, I have to stop now. I’m drooling. If you’re headed out to Jigsy’s on buffet night, leave some pizza for me and my family too, OK? We like to see the place busy. It means they’ll stay in business in this economy.

- There is this black and white cat that keeps hanging around my house. It’s someone’s cat here on post. It has a collar and everything. PETS ARE TO BE ON LEASHES IF THEY’RE OUTSIDE ON POST. Just sayin’ because if I wanted to clean up after animals, I’d have them. If I find that cat has gotten the lid off the kids’ sandbox and used it for a litter box, it’ll be a dead cat. Why have rules if housing won’t enforce them? Oh wait, they will fine you if they catch your dog loose though. Double standard much?

- I’m dubbing June Month of the Village Idiot. I have dealt with so many people that just don’t take the time to read, listen, etc. to what I’m saying that it’s frustrating. From what I’ve seen around blog posts and the forums, I’m not the only one with this problem. Did all intelligent life just cease to exist on June 1st?

-If the new and improved MomDot site is up and running before I leave, I’ll have my Small Talk Six scheduled for tomorrow.

With that, I hope everyone has a great weekend. I will be spending 5 hours in the car with my kids, so look for me on your news at 11pm if you live in PA. The lead in should be something along the lines of “Woman stabs self with spork.”

Things I Never Thought I’d Say

Amanda — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 10:55:00 +0000

I never knew having boys would involve so many questions about bodily functions and fluids.

“Stop wiping your boogers on the wall! That’s gross!”

“Flush the toilet after you poop!”

“Can I pee in peaces?”

“If you can’t aim, then YOU can clean the toilet.”

“WHAT did you put in your penis?”

“When was the last time you pooped?” (on a regular basis when my 8yo says his belly hurts)

“Why did you pee in the drawer?”

“Is that poop on your watch?”